96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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