Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
