I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
