watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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