so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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