Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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