Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
