some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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