I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
