With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
