Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
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It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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