my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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