OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
