Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
