Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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