Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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