if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
