I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize