Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
