he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
