when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
