Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
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I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
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Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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