I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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