took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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