I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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