Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
