It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
