God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
