Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
