Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
