Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
