Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
