You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
