and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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