I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How external is "for external use only"?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
