I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm at about main and main street
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
