Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
