yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
