there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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