Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
