we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
