You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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