i think i have two assholes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
