how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
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i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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