My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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