Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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