They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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