my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
