found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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