you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
