My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
