I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
