OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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