Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
