Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
