woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
