So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
