You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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