She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
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I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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