i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
