I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
