Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
