Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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