life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
