Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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