I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm too high and old for this...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
