I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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